the Hope of Survivors

How Do I Tell My Husband?

Should I, and how do I, tell my husband (wife, family or significant other)?
It will be difficult, but if you have not told your spouse about the abuse yet, you must do so immediately (unless your spouse is physically abusive and to tell him would place you in imminent danger). Most of the time, spouses will surprise you by being much more understanding and compassionate about the situation than you anticipated. Simply explain what happened and what you have learned about it (that it is an abuse of power and not an affair), what your part in it was (willful sin) and that you’d like his forgiveness for it, and what you’d like to do about it (report it to the authorities, church, etc.).

Ask your spouse for his patience while you go through difficult emotional times and ask for his support. Make sure you let your spouse know that no matter what has happened, you still love him and you are committed to your marriage. It would be helpful for both you and your spouse to have counseling together and contact us. If, for some reason, you must go to counseling alone, see a female (if you are female, male if you are male) therapist!

Although it may be difficult for you at this time, you will need to show grace and patience toward your spouse and allow him to process what has happened. He will undoubtedly experience some anger, confusion and other unpleasant, but necessary, emotions before he can begin to be supportive of you and you both can begin to heal and strengthen your marriage,

How do I deal with what’s happening in my marriage? Can my marriage be saved?
YES!!! Your marriage can most definitely be saved if you are both willing to cling to the Lord and remain committed to one another. With God all things are possible and He can renew your love for each other, heal both your wounds and give both of you compassion, patience and understanding for one another. Do NOT give up on your marriage!

“Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.’”—Matthew 19:26

Take a moment now to listen to this song of encouragement, “His Love Was Reaching.”—Steve Nelson WMA or MP3

The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart...Psalms 34:18