the Hope of Survivors

Lies by N.J.*
(*A pseudonym)

He doesn't think he did anything wrong. 
He claims he's "just a man."

He touched my husband's wife 
Simply because he can. 

My waist, my chest, my legs, my hair 
He pretended that he cared. 

I remember sobbing on his couch 
He said to not be scared. 

He used my secrets and my story 
To this day he has not said sorry.

A man who looks has done the same 
That is his biblical claim. 

His scarred chest, his crooked claws
I can't erase what I saw.

I see his grin, I hear his groan
He shared what should have been my own. 

Why didn't I run, where was my scream?
The yeller was muted... Or so it seemed. 

I went back time and again 
I couldn't watch so I winced as he sinned. 

I told him I needed my man and he shhh'd me
He touched everything he could see. 

I'm not known for fear or how to easily submit
But what he did makes me want to quit. 

I smile and trudge on, trying to hide
They can't see the torture inside. 

Friends go quiet and life keeps going
The pain of summer turns to snowing.

I'm a different person but most don't see
How that creepy old man ruined me. 

I wince, I cry and I lay awake at night.
Trying to make sense of why I didn't fight. 

My biggest pain is not what I know. 
It's the fear of people letting go. 

If I told them what would they do?
Would they claim that I wanted him too? 

The flirt and the one who talks about her breasts,
The one who pushes boundaries and tests. 

The bubbly, confident and curvy one
For sure she went along with the fun. 

It wasn't just once so she must have cheated 
She didn't say no when things got heated. 

He is twice her age and half her height
She could have put up a fight. 

But you see he didn't use strength but instead used fear. 
And cost me everything I held dear. 

He knew too much so I couldn't hide
He twisted and attacked my pride.

I wish I could go back but maybe not
What if he had gotten caught.  

Would I have had the chance to run 
Or would I have feared the ultimate shun?

Will I ever be free from this pain?
Can I be sure it won't happen again? 

They all seem to want me to let it go 
But my world still keeps moving slow. 

A song, a touch and glance 
And suddenly I'm right back. 

Would I feel different if he said sorry 
Or would it just prolong the story?

Lord let me out of this cage
I doubt I'll ever be the same. 

To the back of my mind this torture slips back 
Until my next brain attack. 

The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart...Psalms 34:18