the Hope of Survivors

Little Girl’s Soul in a Woman’s Body by Kim

I went to him, the soul damaged and frayed
The heart of a little girl...
Yet not
Searching for healing, acceptance, worth, and bright light

One more time the heart was vulnerable
Once over the hesitation of him being male
It was easy
For he was the trusted
He was His carrier of love
His distributor of the Word
He was trusted to carry the light to others
He wore the garments
He preached the perfect stories
He wore the warm smile
He offered his nurturing
It was his calling he might say

There I was
My soul in the palm of my hand
Handing it to him to hold and nurture
To aid and help to heal
To be the hands of God in human form
To be the light of God I had so longed for
To heal me from my painful past
To show me there is light and heart
In a world I had come to know as a playground
A playground for those who wanted to play dirty
Surely, he would not harm me
For he was doing His work as his calling
He saw me as He did
Through His eyes

He said all the right things to reassure me
He showered me with comfort
Calming eyes and smile
Ever so subtly
His goal to groom me
Ever so slightly
Moving in...
Inside my mind, inside my soul...
Until he had it all in his hands
Everything about me I’d revealed
My wounds, my pain, my insecurities...
He held them in his hands...

I saw him...finally
Really saw him...
It was almost too late...
He quickly turned around
As if to shoot and kill me
He’d already raped my soul...
My spirit...my heart...
And parts of my body

What was I left with?
Already from a lifetime of wounds
I now had to somehow recover from the worst of them
Him...

How do I find faith again?
How do I trust again?
Will I?
Who is there to comfort me now?
Who dries my tears?

I’ve become so withdrawn now
It’s been much too long since I’ve been embraced...
Where is God?
Where is the light?
Where is the justice?
Where is my soul?

Though the road is dark...
I must keep going to find the light..
Keep searching for light and love...
I must find my soul...
A soul I’ve never really known..
Jesus is my only way...
I know that.

My courage must keep me alive now
The courage provided from my God
My Jesus
My Savior

He will see me through
He will bring me to the light...
He will turn the evils thrust upon me
He will turn them into good through me
Somehow...

I must continue and not give up
I must do it for Him
I am His child
He hasn’t given up on me
I am His child...
The little girl inside this woman...I am.
I will reclaim my soul...the soul of a little girl...
The soul of the woman I am..
And the beauty that lies within.

The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart...Psalms 34:18